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Welcome to Dr. Chanderbhan’s Blog. Our happiness and our satisfaction with our lives is often shaped by our perspective. Therapy helps us shift our understandings about ourselves and ourselves in our relationships; it’s these shifts that lead to growth and contentment. In a busy, information overloaded world, this blog offers quality information and insights about emotional health and well-being. While the blogs are not a substitute for professional advice, I hope these posts will help you develop new ways of tackling everyday challenges.

8 Ways to Refresh Your Relationship


Is your relationship in need of a revamp? Do things feel a little dry, boring, or stale? Not to worry, every long-term relationship goes through those periods. Simple preparation and a willingness to take action can improve and refresh your connection. Here are eight ideas:

1. Recognize, prioritize, and synchronize
Know your partner and recognize the telltale signals of a relationship in need of attention. Are things a little too predictable? Is your partner a bit overwhelmed, bored or irritable? It’s time to make a move.
Move your relationship back to the top of your to-do list (where it should live anyway) and mark it “Urgent.” Don’t wait until things are critical. Then, synchronize your smartphones and calendars to plan unbreakable coffee breaks, date nights and weekend getaways.

2. Lavish affection, intimacy, and fantasy.
Don’t hold back on touch, lovemaking, or sharing the kinds of wishes and fantasies meant only for each other. Slow things down and let your eyes meet often, linger in kisses and hugs when you say hello and goodbye. Sit close on the couch. Be sure to go to bed at the same time and find fun, sexy things to do when you get there. Talk to each other about things you’d like to do to spice things up and do them enthusiastically. Intimacy will refresh your bond and keep feel-good brain chemicals flowing that cement your emotional connection to each other

3. Amp up fun, adventure, and novelty.
Long-term relationships tend to take themselves too seriously but routinely interjecting fun and adventure keeps things fresh and laughter flowing. Make new memories often by seeking out fun activities in your community. Challenge each other to try new things or invite your partner to teach you all about the hobby you partner enjoys most. Go places and do things completely uncharacteristic for either of you. With open minds and a sense of humor, you can enjoy each other in completely new ways. Your relationship is more than shared responsibility. It will benefit greatly from fun, uncomplicated friendship building.

4. Reciprocate, appreciate and celebrate
Essentially, the idea here is to be the attentive, loving partner you promised to be. It’s easy to take each other for granted if you aren’t careful. Making a conscious decision to reciprocate every kind word or gesture is an easy way to boost the sense that you are really seeing and hearing each other. Expressing your thanks and gratitude often increases goodwill in your relationship easily. Even better, taking your private appreciation public with praise of your partner to your friends, on social media, or a more formal means of celebration, like a party or gift giving, reminds you both how unique and special your relationship is.
It’s important to put in perspective any bothersome habits or minutia that might erode your affection for each other. Actively remember how lucky you are to have found love and partnership together.

5. Bring back mutual dream work and commit to a higher level of teamwork.
Curiosity and communication are key here. When was the last time you checked in on each other’s dreams and ambitions? How much interest has shown in the progress of each other’s most cherished hopes for yourselves as individuals and as a couple? Talking about these things breathes hope and forward movement into your relationship. Refreshing that sense of progress and “we’re in this together”
Refreshing that sense of “we’re in this together” can make all the difference during seasons of your relationship that seem bogged down in everyday career or family responsibilities. Taking time to refresh hope and shared goals are vital to keeping your love exciting and full of potential.

6. Unplug and unwind daily.
Stress kills relationships effectively and mercilessly. Take steps to protect your connection by intentionally and routinely severing your connection to the outside world. For the sake of your relationship, find ways to release the pressure valves that keep you connected to work, extended family, and household cares by taking charge of your time together. Power down all of your digital distraction and set up an evening routine that is relaxing for you both. A glass of wine together, a shared shower, even lying in bed together listening to soft music can do wonders for shedding the cares of the day, refreshing your minds, and turning your attention toward each other.

7. Get away from each other/ Get away with each other
Getaways are necessary sometimes. At times, it’s good to separate so that absence can grow fonder hearts in our both. And as often as you can change the scenery even if it’s just a night away at a hotel up the road. Getting away together can help you focus in on each other without all distractions of everyday life.
Taking time to just say “hello there” in a different setting can help you push the reset button on your relationship and see challenges in your relationship with fresh eyes.

8. Pay attention, state intentions, follow through
Employ empathy and compassion as much as possible. Be an intentional, solution-focused partner and perennial hand-holder. Remind your partner that they have a place to belong with you. Show them that you are the one person who they can count on to feel seen and heard. Promise to be your partner’s best friend and then act like it all the time.

Every long-term relationship needs a boost from time to time. Incorporating tips like these can provide direction and inspire ideas that are unique to you. If you find you are stuck or more negative emotions impeded your attempts to refresh and reconnect, time with a couples counselor might be helpful. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and learn how to make your relationship the vibrant, loving bond you long for.

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8 Ways to Refresh Your Relationship

Is your relationship in need of a revamp? Do things feel a little dry, boring, or stale? Not to worry, every long-term relationship …