A Holiday Reflection on Acceptance
In a lot of our posts, we focus on change. Changing behaviors, changing thoughts, and changing patterns that no longer serve us. We are a therapy practice so, yes, change is important, and it is usually central to emotional growth and improved mental health.
At the same time, the holiday season means something a little different.
The holidays are unique in that they tend to bring people together in ways that everyday life doesn’t. For most of the year, we live in carefully curated worlds. We spend time with people who think like us, share our views about politics, health, parenting, religion, or how the world should work. Even at work, our interactions are usually structured, time-limited, and contained.
Holiday gatherings, especially with family and close friends are usually less contained.
They bring us into contact with family members, extended relatives, and sometimes friends who see the world very differently than we do. Over the past several years, differences around values and beliefs have become more intense and more deeply held. These views are often closely tied to people’s identity, meaning, and sense of right and wrong.
That matters. People’s values are important to them, and it makes sense they hold them closely.
What can be challenging is how we carry those differences into interactions with others.
A lot of us approach holiday gatherings bracing themselves for discomfort. We find ourselves thinking ahead to how we will avoid certain topics, how we will keep our cool, or what we will say if someone makes a comment we strongly disagree with. It’s understandable but this mindset can mean we head into gatherings already tense, guarded, and focused on what might go wrong.
This season, try something different.
Instead of viewing the holidays as something to endure, we might think about them as an opportunity to practice acceptance and presence. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. It doesn’t mean abandoning your values or approving of things that feel wrong to you. Instead, acceptance involves acknowledging reality as it is, including the reality that people we care about may see the world differently than we do.
Acceptance allows us to shift our focus.
Instead of asking, How do I manage this person? ask, How do I want to show up here?
Instead of rehearsing arguments or anticipating conflict, ask What can I be present for in this moment?
Instead of being on guard for evidence of our differences, pay attention to moments of shared humanity, humor, or connection.
For some of us, this may look like enjoying a shared meal, laughing at a familiar family story, or simply sitting together in the same space. These moments may be brief, but they still matter. They remind us that connection doesn’t require sameness.
From a psychological perspective, presence is often more regulating than control. When we stay anchored in the present moment, we’re less likely to become overwhelmed by anticipation, frustration, or resentment. We’re more likely to respond intentionally rather than react automatically. And intentional reactions are usually reactions that align with our values.
This holiday season, consider setting an intention not to resolve every difference, but to notice what is good, what is meaningful, and what is still shared. Widening the lens, even slightly, can create more ease than trying to manage every potential point of tension.
Sometimes, showing up with curiosity, warmth, and acceptance is enough. And regardless of how the interaction unfolds, we can carry the knowledge that we acted in alignment with what matters to us.
